Got Any Weapons?
"Got anything sharp on you? Got any weapons? Anything that is going to stick or poke me?" Those are pretty standard questions you may have heard time and time again on "Cops" while someone is being arrested. Usually most perps are honest and let you know, fearing what may happen should they choose to lie to you. When you get an answer of "No" you typically ask a few more times, till they give in and tell you where and what it is that may hurt the officer. Apparently the SoBx is an entirely different animal. After arresting a perp for criminal trespass, a relatively minor offense, he was placed into custody and the standard litany of questions was posed to him. Repeatedly he stated "no" to the line of safety questions. As a matter of procedures he was thoroughly searched before being placed into the backseat of the RMP. It was during this search that a 12" Tomahawk was discovered in his coat pocket! When asked why he lied, the perp responded "I didn't lie officer! That's not a weapon, that is for my protection!". Naturally the "protective" tomahawk was removed and the perp transported to the station house where he was brought before the desk officer for the final validation of the arrest. The tomahawk was displayed on the desk with the rest of the perps property, where the desk officer promptly asked if he was going to meet General Custard! Naturally this historical reference was way over this perps head, but nonetheless it brought a humorous end to a busy night.
- posted by The Rookie @ 9:36 PM

 
I Pay the Bills B*T#H!
Most peoples commute to work is mundane, a necessary fact of life. Mine, on the other hand, vollies from life threatening to pure entertainment. For example, today on the bus there is this young man - he couldn't have been more than 10 - talking on a cell phone on his way home from school. Sounds pretty normal for this day and age thus far, right? Well here is the kick, the person he is talking to is apparently complaining about him not coming home when he should, to which he replies - "LISTEN!, What chu buggin about? I pay the bills BITCH!" - 10 and already running a household :)
- posted by The Rookie @ 4:03 AM

 
Drunks
Here we are, standing on a cold dark corner, my partner and I keeping a watchful eye over our post. Thus far it was a pretty uneventful night - that was until we heard a racocus singing coming from down the street. Like dutiful rookies we started off down the block in search of this ghetto Pavarotti. Half-way down we encountered the most amusing sight. There was this 30 something Mexican man with bags of liquor in each hand, singing as if he was performing for the most enthusiastic audience (and not a 2am crowd attempting to sleep). Normally this wouldn't be so odd here in the SBx, what made this unique was that his penis was out of his fly and he was urinating all over himself and the sidewalk at the same time. Apparently the coordination of urinating, walking, carrying bags and singing was too much for this poor sap after a night in one of the local bars! Once we stopped him and pointed out his indescretion he dutifuly tucked it inside his trousers (still urinating!) and proceeded to offer us a hand of thanks for pointing out this problem to him. Naturally we declined, and after the appropriate police measures we sent him on his way to sing himself home.
- posted by The Rookie @ 2:35 PM

 
The African Hair Braiding Bar
After a long first half of the evening, I sat down for a nice hour long meal in a quiet pizza place. I wasn't two bites into my dinner when a hysterical woman comes bursting into the store, screaming about her trapped boyfriend. Naturally, dinner had to wait while me and my partner investigated this distress call. We walked across the street while this woman was still carrying on and talking on her cell phone at the same time. Apparently her fiance was drinking with the wife of the janitor inside an African hair braiding salon when they got locked in, no one thought to check the back stockroom when they shuttered the place for the evening. Fortunately for the drunks they had a working cell phone, and promptly dialed not 911 - but the man's fiance. We arrived at the location to find him pounding on the other side of a roll down security door. Emergency services was notified to cut the locks and free the trapped occupants, but not before we were able to locate the owners of the salon and free the two drunks. This is where the trouble started - the man's fiance was not to happy about him shacking up in a stockroom drinking beer with the janitor's wife. She proceeded to yell and tried attacking the man right in front of us! The janitor's wife intervened and explained in harried Spanish what exactly had happened and everyone went on their way. My partner and I then hurried back across the street to finish our dinner, only to discover the place had closed for the night. Looks like it is going to be another night of snickers bars while on patrol in the SoBx!
- posted by The Rookie @ 9:45 PM

 
How do you spell agree?
Seems like a question asked by a 4th grader, not a fully grown man - right? Wrong, not here in the SBx anyway. Etc...
- posted by The Rookie @ 2:42 AM